Top Reasons Why Mary Sues Shouldn't Be In Narnia
by Enchantment of Rose
Summary: Well read the title. That should do wonders. Reasons explained in short comically unrealistic monologueish chapters.
1. Prologue and Reason 1

**(A/N): Hey. Title kinda explains all. Just thought I should tell ya that these are really edited. No proof read or spell check. So bear with me for my laziness;-)**

**Disclaimers: I own MISS STILETTO!! hehe**

Top Reasons Mary Sues shouldn't be allowed into Narnia:

(Explained in short monologues)

PROLOGUE

Okay, so 17 year old Miss Christine Stiletto has just entered Narnia. Ya see, she was on this fancy tour through Europe seeing old houses and they were looking in this old house with a wardrobe and out of plain curiousity went into the old wardrobe in the back room and POOF, she found herself in this mystical land of Narnia!! Then by chance is accepted by the four monarchs seeing she is a "daughter of eve" and made a queen. Oh, and she is from 2007 so she's just like you and me and we can like totally relate!!

REASON 1: DRESSES

"These dresses are like too itchy!" Christine exclaimed to the centauress buttoning up her dazzling satin dress the shade of twinkiling purple like sea lilies at night. The centuaress then pinned up Lady Stiletto's curled dark, fiery hair in a bun, pearls entertwined with the intricate plaits.

"I'm sorry miss, but it's traditional court attire" said respectfully to her new queen.

"Well then" Christine said, her delicious lips curving into a mischevious smile, "We'll just have to give this court a makeover!!" And with that she ripped of the flowing sleeves, letting them drop to the floor. "Now," she said to the awing centuaress "Hand me those scissors. Something must be done to this hem." Christine used her clippers to run a smooth cut starting half way down her thighs sloping down to perfectly shaped knees so that a little bit of the frilly petticoat peeked through.

"There. That's much better." She congradulated herself. Then she strode proudly to the court room.

**(A/N) More coming out soon. I will update this as much as I can.**


	2. Reason 2

**(A/N): Ugh! I can't believe I'm having writers block already!! Oh well, my sludge hammer is all ready in hand. Hehe.**

REASON 2: EVIDENT CANON FISHING

We come back to Christine strutting down the Great Hall of Cair Paravel, looking quite the America's Next Top Model.

_Like wait _she thought/whined _I'm like SO not hott enough!! _Then tugging at her bun, she pulled it out revealing her luscious golden curls (of course it changes colors constantly!!) in a shimmering hair flip and then dropping down to her back, but not before some random breeze blew her hair a little. The two monarch guys, Peter and Edmund dropped their jaws and oogled at her entrance. Of course, this all happened in slow mo to savor the moment.

Stiletto took her place next to Lucy at the far end leaving a trail of an entrancing fragrent (insert favorite flower here) perfume making the boys drool all over themselves. All the while Christine, obviously oblivious to her beauty, was wishing she could be more like the other queens, Lucy and especially Susan.

Now the two king's were already plotting on how they could win Christine's favor. Peter was sure he could glance at her mysteriously a few times and she'd be hooked. Edmund, being the not as good looking as Peter had to use more tactic measures.

"Pete," Edmund said with as much sincerity as he could muster up, "I loooooooovvveee you."

"Eww, Ed. Bug off. No slash or incest in this story!! Remember??"

_Darn _Ed thought to himself. _Well that distraction plan didn't work. Maybe if I dye his hair platinum blonde…yeah, yeah, no girl likes a guy with platinum blonde hair! It will ruin his chances FOREVER! Now; where to get hair dye…_

Poor Ed was too deep in his scheming to notice Peter was already giving his mysterious looks to the new queen.

**(A/N): Dang, told ya these things were short. Anyway, so Ed is gonna dye Peters beautiful golden hair PLATINUM blonde?? Oh no!! Ed please don't do it!! For the sake of all the fan girls!! sob sob**


	3. Reason 3

**(A/N): Lotz of cheesy Mary Sue fluff in this one. Haha. I tried to make it cheezy. Well this one is longer!! Hooray!!**

REASON 3: REALLY REALLY LONG WALKS

"My Love," Peter whispered gently staring into Christine's deep sparkling emeralds orbs, "Come let us take a walk in the extremely romantic dawn lit rose garden."

They intertwined arms and she leaned her ebony curls on his strong broad shoulder. "OMG!! These roses are like soooooooooooo pretty!!" She remarked as she reached out, but "accidentally" pricked her pricked her finger "Ow!!" she cried out.

"Let me, my dear" Peter said softly and took her hand and wiped off the blood with his hanky. Then he kissed her finger. But then his kisses traveled to her mouth where they stayed there for a long time.

When they finally broke off, Christine just smiled up at him with her demure dimples, "That feels much better."

Then they continued on. They saw along the way a cherry blossom tree with the pearly petals raining down. There they sat down against the trunk and she dosed off in Peter's arms.

When they woke up again, it was still dawn. So they thought they would hurry back to the Hall for breakfast. But when they passed through the courtyard Peter and his lover ran into the other royal siblings.

"Peter!!" Lucy exclaimed and not to happily, "Where have you been dearest brother??"

"Yes, Peter" Susan badgered on, "While you and Christine were having you four day vacation…"

"Four days?!" Christine and Peter both exclaimed and blushed. All at the same time too!!

"Yes!'' Susan continued, "The giants are invading the north! You must go and stop them!" He glanced sadfully at his girlfriend whose eyes were shining with pre-tears.

All this time Edmund sat broodingly rocking in the corner. _Heh heh _he chuckled mentally _this is my chance. Peter will be gone fighting off giants, while I'll be getting the girl. Mwahaha, it's perfect! Now should I still dye his hair for good measure? Hmm…_

- -Later That Night- -

(When the full moon was shining only on the terrace balcony)

"Please Peter" Christine said throwing herself at him in an embrace "What if you die? Don't leave me!!!!"

"I must my dear!!" He exclaimed dramatically heroic. "But it will all be for you. You and our foreverlasting love."

"Never forget me." She said staring into his eyes.

"Never" he swore as the romantically sad violin music rose up in the midnight air. Then they kissed.

The next day High King Peter strode off with his war band with thoughts off _her _plaguing his achy heart.

"Well off to Calormen!!" Edmund exclaimed happily

**A/N: Told ya it was pretty cheezy;-)**


	4. Reason 4

**(A/N): Hey Sorry for not posting recently. Been kinda busy. Like a bee. Except not. Anyway, hope you enjoy this next chapter. The next one will be the bomb!! I promise. **

REASON FOUR: BOY VENTING

"Like, this is sooooooooooooo gay!!" whined Christine as she rubbed her bottom that hurt from the saddle, "I totally wanna just go back to the castle thing. Not ride in this stupid saddle in this stupid heat to see stupid people!!"

"Christine they are not 'stupid' people." Susan corrected "I am visiting one of my suitors in Tashbaan, crowned Prince Rabadash of the Court of the Tisroc, humble worshipper of Tash. And he happens to be very amiable."

"OOOHHH!!" cooed Christine, "You mean he's like your BF?!"

"I'm not sure I quite understand…" Susan scrunched her nose in confusion.

"Oh Susan think nothing of it!" chided Edmund as he sat down on a cusion in their magically appearing tent. Then he scooched up closer to Christine and took her hands into his preparing to make his move. "Darling, your dazzling hazel eyes look astonishing in this light!"

"Uh, thanks?" she replied slowly pulling her hands out of his grasp.

_Drat! _Thought Edmund realizing his move had failed _I cannot believe my move failed! It works when Peter does it! Grr, I should have been shooting the mystifyin' glances first!_

But Edmunds thinking was cut off as the scene changed to the palace gates of the Tisroc, with Rabadash, a darkly handsome man with rubies and diamonds adorning his turban sparkling in the Calormen sun.

"Queen Susan!" Rabadash slurred in excitement. "It is so nice to see you, delight of my eyes." He opened his arms gallantly and embraced Christine, who now looked almost identical to Susan. Then he kissed both her cheeks, and ushered her in with a welcoming hand. "Come, come, delight of my eyes. We have prepared a feast in your honoring arrival, delight of my eyes!"

Edmund who was now slightly angered grabbed the bedazzled Christine out of Rabadash's embrace. "Prince Rabadash you are mistaken! This is not my sister! It is our new queen, Christine Stiletto. Here comes my sister now!" Susan came riding down the cobble street, dismounted to the same welcome that Christine had if not without less spirit.

During the marvelous feast, with lights and food and dancing, Christine saw no one at all, but the cultivating Prince Rabadash across the table, while Edmund sat, pondering on how he could win Christine's heart, not knowing that he would have to act to fast if he were to win. But Rabadash too, wasn't as heartening to the lovely Queen next to him.

Later in the guest wing of the great palace, Christine tiptoed to Susan's chambers where she found the queen brushing her long dark hair.

"My gosh girrrrl!!" Christine exclaimed, "Rabadash is such a hottie!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm not quite sure what you are implying, but I have noticed a change in him. I can't put my finger on it…"

"Like, maybe he's like, more ripped!!" Christine squeaked. "If I were you, I would hold on to a guy like that! They're so rare!"

"Hmmmm" Susan murmured suddenly deep in thought, "Thank you Christine. I will think on your words. I wish to be alone now."

"Humph." Christine sniffed now feeling rejected, "Fine I'll leave!" So she did, but in a stomping fashion.

**(A/N): Don't touch that clicker! More to come!**


	5. Reason 5

(A/N): This ones a lot longer, but I thought this even shouldn't be split into different chapters! Lotz and lotz of description, but for overexaggerating purposes only;-) Hey! It's not easy being cheesy as Chester Cheetah would say.

REASON FIVE: PAPER FACES ON PARADE!

"I have an announcement to make." Rabadash proclaimed after the royal gong hitter hit the royal announcement gong. Tapping wine glasses politely just wasn't an option for Calormens. "In the eve of the night honoring the time of the year to the month of the Almighty Tisroc humbling servant of the Benevolently Puissant Tash, I will be holding for a masquerade ball for our guests and especially for the intoxicatingly ravishing Queen Susan of Narnia, delight of my eyes!" This pronouncement was followed by an applause from the dining hall of courtiers, princes, and princess while everybody tried to contain their excitement. Well. All, but one.

"Like, OMIGOSH!!!" shrieked Christine her crystalline blue eyes going wide. "Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh…"she cooed trying to calm herself down, but the attempt failed. "Omigosh, a party!!!! This place was getting so b-ooooo-ring, omigosh. Oh! I have to go get ready!" And with that she rushed out of the golden feasting hall.

Queen Susan shot Edmund a look. You know. _The look._"What?" he said innocently, "You don't honestly think she doesn't know." Another look. "Okay! I'll tell her!" Then he willingly flitted up the stairs to catch up with his beloved yelling, "Christine! The ball is not for another 5 days!"

_Five days later…_

"I'm ready!!" Christine shouted jubilantly as she bursted out of her room waking up Edmund who had slept outside her door the whole time. Edmund shot up and sheepishly poked his head into her chambers and his jaw dropped to the floor and his cheeks flushed to the color of the sunset.

There her full figure stood in the dusky light of the room adorned in a white frock trailing around her feet, the hem swooping in and slit at mid-thigh. The white purity of her dress complemented and contrasted against her moderately tanned skin. Her dark tresses curled down to overshadow her curved bare shoulders, plaited and entwined with what seemed like liquid moonlight. Her robust lips curled mischievously.

"How do I look?" she wondered emerald eyes luminously sparkling.

"Duuuuhhhhhh—uh hhh" was all Edmund could say. Finally after ogling for a bit, to much of Christine's amuse, he managed to stammer, "M-May I b-b-be your escort t-tonight?"

"Huh? Oh! Like arm candy! Yeah sure! You be my plus one, and I'll be your plus one!" she chortled melodiously.

"Ah-ah, my love!" Edmund chimed miraculously gaining back cool composure. "You cannot attend a masquerade without a mask veiling that lovely face."

Suddenly a cute little faun with big liquidy eyes came trotting and in his hand was a velvet pillow, and on the pillow was the most prettiest mask ever. It was studded with diamonds that looked like frozen tears, the eyes the shape of a goddess. The little faun held out his pudgy little arms cradling the pillow and offered it to Christine. "Thank you, Pupsiewupsie." Edmund said as he dismissed the faun.

"Oh, Edmund! It's so…It's so…It's so BLING-BLING! Man, I am gonna look so pimpin'!" She threw her slender around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. Then she took his hand and they rushed down to the ball room.

The couple made quite the entrance but all Christine wanted to do was dance so Edmund willing went for the chance to put his hand around her slender waist. They stepped into a slow dance which bored Christine, so she sat down claiming she would die of boredom. Then they were met by Susan and Rabadash, though Edmund didn't recognized either of them in their matching fire red attire probably because he was still entrance with Christine. Even Christine looked at them with puzzlement, even after they told her who they were, not believing it was them.

Suddenly a very upbeat and intricate reel echoing throughout the dance floor. Christine jumped up and pulled Edmund along with her to join the dance, but soon they lost each other and Christine soon found herself in the arms of a scarlet debonair gentleman.

The man led Christine down to the cool terrace in the moonlit gardens. He jerked her close dark eyes peering at her through his mask and whispered, "Susan…oh, delight of my eyes." He went in even closer and Christine snaked her arms around him and pulled him down to a smothering kiss whipping off her mask, kindling a spark set on dry brush where it was left to spread for several minutes on end.

Then Susan entered the scene, much shocked to see Christine and Rabadash embraced in each others arms. "Hmph!" Susan sniffed loudly trying to get their attention, but there they still were, in that same caressing position, obviously taking no heed of her. "Christine!" she shouted finally causing the couple to pull away.

Rabadash looked over to whom he was previously making out with and then over to the cross Susan he too shouted, "Christine, delight of my eyes- uh I mean Christine! Dearest Susan, delight of my eyes, I honestly thought it was you hidden under that mask!"

"But you knew, Christine, you knew it was Rabadash!" Susan said accusingly.

"I like, don't believe this!" Christine sobbed, bottom lip quivering and eyes welling up with tears, "This is just like Gossip Girl!" And with that she dramatically fled the courtyard.

Momentarily Edmund came rushing up to Susan and Rabadash, exclaiming, "Where's Christine?"

"She's gone Ed. Just leave her alone."

"Fine." He said stubbornly, as he went back tot his chambers blaming everything on Peter.


End file.
